Monday, December 31, 2012

Not going to hide...


   So I read a blog post from an amazing blogger about how her love for women all started and how long it took for her to realize she was a lesbian. It took me 22 years to finally find my complete happiness and come out. When I was younger I knew no other gay people and lived a somewhat sheltered life seeing how my Father had two daughters and was in law enforcement. In high school was my first experience with people that were gay and my first experience with a girl. I was at my friends house and I was sleeping over because we had somewhere to be in the morning and for some reason unknown to me she kissed me, I was in shock and disbelief, but my deep down feelings are what surprised me the most I wanted her to do it again. After that kiss I had no other experiences with women through out high school. I went through high school telling myself that it was nothing and me wanting her to do it again meant nothing at all, so I continued to date men and live the straight life. 

    After high school I started college and college is a whole new world full of so many different people. In college I was still thinking about that one kiss and I began to think maybe all my thinking some women are attractive was not a straight thing, but once again I ignored the feeling. A year into college I was invited to go to my friends birthday party in Big Bear and that is where I met my former fiancee. Yes, I was engaged to a man. Him and I were together for 4 years of my life which during that time he was in the military and stationed in a different state. I cared for him but it became more of just a friend thing due to the distance and my struggle with finding who I really was. Needless to say we parted ways but are still very close friends and talk all the time. 


   So, here I was confused and not knowing who I really was until I met her. I was working at a vet clinic but had put in my notice because I had to go to school all day for a class I was taking. I told the vet that I could stay until the new person was fully trained if he could find someone soon that he wanted to hire. The next day he told us that there were two  interviews the first girl walked in and I we were all in aww the girl asked us what number month June was, and then proceeded to call her mom and say she didn't know how many years of high school she completed but she graduated. Yay she didn't get hired. The next interviewee was much different she walked in the door and I looked at her and immediately ran to the back to fix myself up the best I could, then thought to myself why am I doing this? It made no sense to me as why I was so drawn to this women after all I was straight right? I was about to find out how wrong I was because she was hired. The next day I knew she would be there so I did my hair and put on makeup (which I never did my hair or wore makeup to work) I hopes she would notice me. That first day we all got to know each other she was a gorgeous brown haired, blue eyed, confident in who she was, lesbian woman, and I just couldn't stop smiling around her. 


   Over the next few weeks I trained her and she finally asked me to hang out with her and I of course said yes! I was so nervous that night as I headed to her house, trying to figure why I was like this. That night we kissed and my whole world changed I had never felt the way I did when she kissed me. It was bliss, and I honestly had never been so happy in my life. Finally, I felt like I belonged and she has become my world. Coming out to my parents was one of the hardest things because all my life they had seen me date men, and even saw me engaged to one. The day they said they didn't care as long as I was happy I couldn't believe it. Kris has changed my life and made me the happiest women alive and now with her by my side we are ready to start a family together, and we couldn't be happier!

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