Not going to hide...

   So I read a blog post from an amazing blogger about how her love for women all started and how long it took for her to realize she was a lesbian. It took me 22 years to finally find my complete happiness and come out. When I was younger I knew no other gay people and lived a somewhat sheltered life seeing how my Father had two daughters and was in law enforcement. In high school was my first experience with people that were gay and my first experience with a girl. I was at my friends house and I was sleeping over because we had somewhere to be in the morning and for some reason unknown to me she kissed me, I was in shock and disbelief, but my deep down feelings are what surprised me the most I wanted her to do it again. After that kiss I had no other experiences with women through out high school. I went through high school telling myself that it was nothing and me wanting her to do it again meant nothing at all, so I continued to date men and live the straight life. 

    After high school I started college and college is a whole new world full of so many different people. In college I was still thinking about that one kiss and I began to think maybe all my thinking some women are attractive was not a straight thing, but once again I ignored the feeling. A year into college I was invited to go to my friends birthday party in Big Bear and that is where I met my former fiancee. Yes, I was engaged to a man. Him and I were together for 4 years of my life which during that time he was in the military and stationed in a different state. I cared for him but it became more of just a friend thing due to the distance and my struggle with finding who I really was. Needless to say we parted ways but are still very close friends and talk all the time. 

   So, here I was confused and not knowing who I really was until I met her. I was working at a vet clinic but had put in my notice because I had to go to school all day for a class I was taking. I told the vet that I could stay until the new person was fully trained if he could find someone soon that he wanted to hire. The next day he told us that there were two  interviews the first girl walked in and I we were all in aww the girl asked us what number month June was, and then proceeded to call her mom and say she didn't know how many years of high school she completed but she graduated. Yay she didn't get hired. The next interviewee was much different she walked in the door and I looked at her and immediately ran to the back to fix myself up the best I could, then thought to myself why am I doing this? It made no sense to me as why I was so drawn to this women after all I was straight right? I was about to find out how wrong I was because she was hired. The next day I knew she would be there so I did my hair and put on makeup (which I never did my hair or wore makeup to work) I hopes she would notice me. That first day we all got to know each other she was a gorgeous brown haired, blue eyed, confident in who she was, lesbian woman, and I just couldn't stop smiling around her. 

   Over the next few weeks I trained her and she finally asked me to hang out with her and I of course said yes! I was so nervous that night as I headed to her house, trying to figure why I was like this. That night we kissed and my whole world changed I had never felt the way I did when she kissed me. It was bliss, and I honestly had never been so happy in my life. Finally, I felt like I belonged and she has become my world. Coming out to my parents was one of the hardest things because all my life they had seen me date men, and even saw me engaged to one. The day they said they didn't care as long as I was happy I couldn't believe it. Kris has changed my life and made me the happiest women alive and now with her by my side we are ready to start a family together, and we couldn't be happier!

You never think....

   Today was suppose to be filled with happiness I had finished my last final and had the day off from work to just relax and get errands done like take my dogs to the vet for shots. After my final I called my mom on my drive home like usual we always chat but this time it was filled with bad news and sorrow. One of my friends who I grew up with and played basketball with her Mother was diagnosed with lung cancer awhile back which was a shock to all of us because she hasn't ever smoked and took good care of herself. Her Mother had surgery to remove part of her lung and started chemo to make sure that is was all gone. My friend who also lives in Texas with her husband moved back to California leaving her work, school and her husband to help take care of her Mother. She never even hesitated at the idea and has the most loving husband who supported her in her move while he stayed in Texas. Everything was going great they surgery went amazingly well and she started the chemo and was doing well on chemo. Everything was looking up, until recently. Her Mom went in for a routine check up with a MRI, CAT Scan and blood work we were all expecting it to come back with no signs of anything little did we know. Her cancer has spread into her brain were there are two tumors that are not small, this is devastating news. My friend's brother who was in Afghanistan was flown home to be with his Mom and if any of you know anything about the military they only do this when it is a extremely serious matter that is life threatening or not looking good at all. I am in a complete state of shock and disbelieve. Her mom is an amazingly strong woman and is always being so positive in such a rough time, she truly inspires me. We are all trying to stay as positive and continuing to pray. All the well wishes and positive thoughts are needed at this time.

A Year Ago

      Before a year ago I thought my life would be that of a typical find a job and go to school and have all the same friends from high school and full of the stories people tell of one another because we all grew up together but little did I know with one decision that I made it would change my whole perspective on life and change my life for the better. I was a privileged child my parents made good money and for the most part we got what we wanted and needed I can't remember a time I didn't have what I needed. In a way I guess you could say I was spoiled (but not a brat). My parents though taught us once we were of age to work that anything extra we wanted would be on us. When I was 16 I got my first job and unlike all my other friends that meant I no longer got money from my parents to go to the movies or out shopping, and when college came around I took out loans of my own to pay for them because my Father told me it would teach me responsibility. At first I thought all this was to unfair, I mean why are they doing this to me when they can pay? Now that I am older I understand completely.
        
     A little over a year ago I made the decision to move from California to Texas you could say it was on a whim but I have always been the spontaneous type. Moving to Texas has honestly changed me in so many ways and I could not be more grateful that something in me decided to move. When I first moved to Texas I thought I had just made the biggest mistake of my life it was right in the middle of summer and it had been 30 straight days of 100 degree plus weather (which I have never experienced growing up in Orange County, California). I was miserably hot and was on a mission to find a job and get everything going for my school. Once I started my first job here I immediately loved how people are in Texas, friendly, nice, always willing to talk and have amazing stories. My first job is were I met two of my roommates who helped change my life. Most of my friends back home were like me came from a privileged family and  got everything they wanted but my roommates came from a whole different background. They came from families were a parent was an alcoholic, were they had been on there own since 16, and a family that had the bare minimum and just scraped by. My roommates had done everything themselves since a young age and worked for everything they had. I continued to meet people with stories like this and it made me extremely thankful for all I have and had growing up with. I thought I had problems and that my life was so difficult and never really thought how bad others may have it and I think a lot of people are like that. Living in Texas and meeting all the people I have met has made me a better person and makes me want to continue to strive to be a better person.
     
    I have thought and thought about how I can go on to help others who are not as fortunate as me and my new adventure that I am working on is to travel to Ethiopia, or any place in Africa to help orphans, help build homes, or help do anything I can. I am beginning my research and am hoping to go Summer 2013 and I can't wait. Why Africa you may ask? Africa because ultimately I plan to adopt from Africa in the near future but that will be another post!
  

First post ever!

Today I decided it was time to share my journey with others. I have debated about this for a long time after reading and following so many blogs, each time I read on I thought to myself I should share my journey for all I know it could help someone or someone could help me. After all I have learned a lot and have got some pretty good ideas and in a way advice from reading so many others blogs and comments on those blogs. So here I am, through this blog I plan to share my journey through school and my journey to adopt internationally. Through this I hope that may help others and that others can help me. I hope you all will enjoy and welcome to the start of a new journey with me.